you're like a bully in the Christmas story
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
