It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
