he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
