There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
