and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
