I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
