just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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