i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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