Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
