is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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