you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
