I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
