It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
