eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
