EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
