well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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