Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize