It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
