honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
