Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Less talking, more tequila
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
