Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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