he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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