i don't like sucking hair
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
