and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
