turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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