Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
