If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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