Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
