I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
