I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
