I seem to have left my pride at pride
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
