Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
