I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
