im six kinds of drunk right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
