I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
