ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
