Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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