Can i not drive my cunt home
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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