he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I will pee on everything he values.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
