Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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