You're my little dorito
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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