you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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