I'm really into asian looking animals
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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