i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
