If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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