why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
