I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
