Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
