I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
