I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
