Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i think i have two assholes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
