are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
