Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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