It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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