i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
