Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize