dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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