My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize