I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
