Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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