for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
