I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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