thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
