her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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