apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
