When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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