Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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